I could never have imagined the domino effect put into motion after confronting the way I see, think, and feel about myself. What began as an endeavor to cultivate a healthier sense of self while finding the inner confidence to establish personal boundaries soon blossomed into something that has, actually, brought me full circle … leaving me with a feeling I haven’t had since a kid – that of feeling comfortable in my own skin.
“Where did that kid go” was going through my mind while looking at a picture my sister had texted to me. It’s the one shown here of two bathing beauties – well, okay, it is me and my sister, CJ … as if you didn’t know. Though I don’t remember that particular day, I do know my mind would have been occupied with swimming and playing, not how I looked in my bathing suit. Though, whoa, those color coordinated suits are difficult to ignore.
It isn’t that I want to be a kid again – actually, age has never been an issue with me. I mean, it doesn’t bother me in the least to say I am 21 years old. Okay, so I’m kidding, I’m really 52 … but it is just as easy to say. What I miss about that kid has nothing to do with a number and everything to do with comfort … yes, I have to say it again … comfortable in my own skin.
Each person has their own way of defining what it means to be comfortable in their own skin. For me it involves having a sort of quiet confidence and trust weaving through whatever each day brings … decisions, thoughts, actions, etc. It isn’t something I take for granted though. There are days I feel those old insecurities creeping up behind me … nudging me into second guessing a feeling or questioning myself in some way.
However, as anyone who has worked hard improving their self image knows, we remain vulnerable to falling back into old thought patterns that quickly negate all the good accomplished. If I find I am allowing my mind to feed on insecure and/or negative thoughts I immediately stop them and analyze what is really going on. I do that by asking myself a few questions:
- What happened right before these thoughts sprang to mind?
- What, if any, hidden motive could there be for me to hang on to negative thoughts?
- Do they offer any value, any benefit, to my attitude, disposition, happiness, life?
I usually will recognize the particular “thought saboteur” after answering the first question. Oftentimes I discovered I had allowed something to stay tucked away in my mind and, for whatever reason, it tumbled out and Wham! my thoughts are wading through old emotional sludge. Suddenly I’m not feeling so comfortable in my own skin … my rating is slipping on my personal value scale … and I want to say YES! to everybody’s needs and wants while ignoring my own!
Crikey! That promptly leads me to the second question so I can stop my thoughts from shredding my sense of self any further. It’s an intriguing question – and I’m not saying that because I asked it. It pushes me to take a hard, honest look at why in the world I would even want to hang on to certain thoughts … thoughts, I should add, that have a strong negative impact on my self-image or that can ruin a good mood faster than my Gene can make a quart of Ben and Jerry’s Chubby Hubby or Chunky Monkey disappear. By the way, that is really fast.
Of course, arriving at the last question the answer is a no-brainer because of the negative reaction to the thoughts so it may seem odd to even bother asking such a question. Actually, it helps the mind to recalibrate – as I ponder how ludicrous it is allowing myself to fall into such a mental quagmire and waste valuable energy and time on such negative thinking it makes it quite clear the only smart thing to do is to purge my mind of such thoughts.
There is something empowering about taking control of a pattern of thinking that is detrimental to one’s sense of self – replacing negative thoughts with positive ones – and it is generally only a matter of time before you realize you’re back on track … once again, there is a surge in your sense of self … and once again, you find you can stretch-out-oh-so-wonderfully because you’re feeling comfortable in your own skin.
Illness has had some influence on this facet of personal awareness and growth – it forced me to see myself with a naked honesty which, in turn, helped maintain the candor needed to effect real change. However, don’t wait until some life upheaval forces you to make friends with yourself – start now, today, this very minute …
Love this piece. Very introspective and inspirational. Is there really a Ben and Jerry’s “Chubby Hubby”, or were you just making that up? I have never seen that flavor! Being friends. You always seem to come up with a few lines of pure brain candy prose. The ones I admire in this piece are: “my thoughts are wading through old emotional sludge”, “that can ruin a good mood faster than my Gene can make a quart of Ben and Jerry’s Chubby Hubby or Chunky Monkey disappear”, and “What I miss about that kid has nothing to do with a number and everything to do with comfort.”
Hello Tom,
Thank you so much for your ever-so-kind comments! I wish I could say I made up the “Chubby Hubby”(chunks of pretzels, chocolate fudge, & peanut butter in a vanilla ice-cream base), unfortunately, or dare I say, fortunately, it has been discontinued … now Gene is even feeling “comfortable in his own skin” – I say with a wink.hehe I hope you and Lorraine are doing well and Tom, thank you for stopping by the blog and taking the time to leave such encouraging comments!
Peppy
Hello Peppy! Wonderful post! LOVE the picture. Youth seems to be the only time that how we feel on the inside matches the joy we readily express on the outside – effortlessly. As we get older, we have to work harder to do that don’t we? I love things that make me feel like a kid again – roasting marshmallows, riding my bike – because it takes me back to a time when all I worried about was the next FUN thing not where that new gray hair or wrinkle came from! Thanks for the reminder to be truly young at heart! Love you!
Hello dear Monica,
I love it when you stop by ~ reading your comment made me think about all the things I loved doing as a kid … I was a tomboy and was always on my bike, climbing trees, having cartwheel races, swimming, etc. I love how you expressed that time of life: “youth seems to be the only time that how we feel on the inside matches the joy we readily express on the outside – effortlessly”! Beautifully said, dear friend! Love ya!
Peppy
Dear Peppy,
Your blog appeared on my Pinterest feed. Way cool!
I enjoyed your piece on candid mental realities. Your closing comments regarding promptly changing the disposition of the ‘mental quagmire’ was inspirational. After all we are stuck with ourselves so we better make the best of it. By the way, your age is news to me; last I heard you were 25 due to slight dyslexia. Lol. Love you!
Hello Sonia,
Your comment about my age made me laugh …when you said my age was news to you I thought you were about to tell me you always thought I was the oldest! Sonia, thank you for your kind expressions ~ you have such a lovely disposition and I appreciate how you look beyond the obvious because you anticipate gems that must, surely, be tucked underneath the surface. Love you, too!
Peppy
Dear Peppy,
First – I loved, loved the picture of you and CJ. It is so evocative of our generation (I think we are all about 25, right?) But it so beautifully shows the pure joy of being young. I can remember my heart beating faster in my chest as we approached the beach or the swimming pool. The thrill of your feet hitting the water – it was almost unbearably wonderful. We didn’t think about what we were wearing or how we looked.
Then the teenage years came and while the fun was still there – self consciousness crept in – “how do I look?” “Will I pass, will someone make a remark – good or bad?”.
Being comfortable in your own skin is complicated. I truly enjoyed your self analysis and your willingness to share your journey – it always rings true.
Love,
Tracy
Hello Tracy!
Ohhhh, I could feel the “beach anticipation” while reading your comment … I can remember as we neared the water I would be scanning the sky daring any clouds to appear! Isn’t it funny how we reach a point in youth where we start looking at “being grown up” as true liberation and then, bam! we’re adults and see just how liberated we were in our youth! Tracy, thank you for your comment!! Hugs and love being sent your way!
Peppy